When's Recess?!

Another song! Music seems to help me describe so much of what I feel and experience in life. This song by Lenka stood out to me so much as I listened to it last week. I think we all have reasons to want a break from who we are sometimes...well, probably more accurately a break from our circumstances. If only the grade school notion of 'recess' applied to our grown up world! By the grace of God, I've been able to remain hopeful in the last several months. But to be perfectly honest, the last few weeks have me pleading for a break, a recess, an escape. When will this pain let up?! When will I be able to remember what I was doing when I began a task?! How much longer until I have energy to actually DO things?!

Towards the beginning of February, I completed a series of homeopathic treatments that we hoped would at least help begin the process of treating the Lyme. Some of these had caused 'die off' symptoms, meaning that I felt worse as the bacterias were killed and released toxins. When I knew feeling worse was the for the purpose of feeling better, I suppose it was a little easier. I've now been in some sort of twisted waiting room situation though until we decide how to move forward with antibiotic treatments. And waiting seems to be the most difficult. Being put on hold. Being told no to all the things I want to be and want to do right now.

In light of this, I was recently reminded of the plain fact that I have very little control (much to my dismay). I can only plan for what is just ahead of me and take life a day, perhaps an hour, at a time. Some days my only goal is to manage to get to the market for groceries or put clean sheets on the bed. Other days I hope for more, to get through a shift at work without being flattened the next day. Regardless, my goals are small and I know I must begin to find meaning in even these small things; to find a way to live into who I am because we don't get a 'break' from life. Pain, heartache, and disease in this world make very little sense. Since I cannot run away from all this, tonight, I enjoy the small things- a bubble bath, yummy candles, good music-- and I hope and pray for what tomorrow will bring.

With Love--
Samantha

Hope In the Night

“In The Night” by Andrew Peterson


I am weary with the pain of Jacob's wrestling

In the darkness with the Fear, in the darkness with the Fear

But he met the morning wounded with a blessing

So in the night my hope lives on.



When Elisha woke surrounded by the forces

Of the enemies of God, the enemies of God

He saw the hills aflame with angels on their horses

So in the night my hope lives on.



I see the slave that toils beneath the yoke unyielding

And I can hear the captive groan, hear the captive groan

For some hand to stay the whip his foe is wielding

Still in the night my hope lives on.



I see the armies of the enemy approaching

And the people driven, trembling, to the shore

But a doorway through the waters now is opening

So in the night my hope lives on.



Like the son who thought he'd gone beyond forgiveness,

Too ashamed to lift his head--but if he could lift his head

He would see his father running from a distance

In the night my hope lives on.



I can see the crowd of men retreating

As he stands between the woman and their stones

And if mercy in his holy heart is beating

Then in the night my hope lives on.



I remember how they scorned the son of Mary

He was gentle as a lamb, gentle as a lamb

He was beaten, he was crucified, and buried

And in the night, my hope was gone.



But the rulers of this earth could not control Him

No, they did not take his life--he laid it down

All the chains of death could never hope to hold him

So in the night my hope lives on.



The Bible is full of stories. They are not stories simply for our entertainment or solely to document historical events. Look closer. They are tales of courage, fear, triumph, and brokenness. No matter how long ago, culture aside, we find in the Bible a testament to the human spirit and God’s unfailing promises to continually care for His children. Under the harshest circumstances and against persecution, God’s power and grace prevail. Look to history and claim for today what God has promised yesterday; His words are still good. There is no expiration on the gifts God has offered us. This, when I feel broken and at the end of myself, unsure of how exactly I will endure another day, this gives me hope. I often look back and just recount all the ways in which God has provided for me and been faithful to me. While there are times when the answer to my prayers was not what I expected, I cannot find a single time when God just ‘didn’t show up’. He has ALWAYS been there; that’s a pretty trustworthy track record if you ask me! “So in the night, my hope lives on.” I pray that you too might find hope in the midst of your own dark night.



With Love--
Samantha

What's in a blog?/ An Introduction

Well, here it is: my first real blog. I don’t consider myself much of a profound writer. I’m not academic in my writings when I don’t have to be (aka when it’s not a paper for school). And I don’t consider myself particularly witty. But nonetheless, I’m here- for reasons that, for me, far surpass writing for writing’s sake. A week before Thanksgiving this past year, I was diagnosed with Late Stage Lyme Disease, also referred to by some as Chronic Lyme Disease. It took years to get to that name. After not feeling fully well for quite some time, I was told I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, then Adrenal Fatigue, then Fibromyalgia and the prize winning diagnosis of (drum roll please)…“it’s all just in your head”. It’s agonizing to not have an explanation for your pain, fatigue, and myriad of cognitive and neurological symptoms. Having an explanation with a difficult solution is pretty hard too though. I’m beginning to accept the limitations I have as I’ve begun treatment and the road to health. But I cannot allow my life to be defined by these limitations either. Enter BLOG.

It is my desire that this blog will be a way to allow you, my family and friends, to share in my life. A place for me to write about my day to day experiences, to share how the Lord is shaping my life and heart, to post links, songs, and videos. You’ll likely find me posting new recipes, pictures from average life adventures, and hopefully frequent posts of new creations in the craft/home decor department J. I cannot do all the things I planned on at this moment, but I want to continue to LIVE. my. life! Christ put a calling on my life the day He thought my being into creation, and circumstance will not get in the way of that. Christ preached a subversive message of radical love and hope—I pray my life would embody this message. A subversive, purposeful life despite Lyme disease.

Lyme disease is under diagnosed and often misunderstood. I hope this blog can also provide some information along the way to educate and bring awareness as well as support others who are not suffering from, but living with and fighting, Lyme disease. Please feel free to comment with questions or send me emails and I will do my best to answer fully, truthfully, and with additional information sources.

Thank you for humoring my musings and attempt at ‘blogging’. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Welcome to my…SubLyme Life.

With Love--

Samantha