Week Two: Update

The second full week of being on antibiotic treatment has now come and gone. (And yes, I’m a bit behind on posting this.)

The worst part of the week has been the continuing nausea from the medicines…all day, every day. Seems they’re harder on my stomach than I expected; after trying all the tricks in the book to ward that symptom off, the best one by far is still…prayer. Prayers for endurance, relief and distraction. Some might say that that’s a tactic comparable to the theory of ‘mind over matter’ or perhaps even someone’s take on ‘the power of positive thinking’. I believe in these theories too. But they aren’t comparable to prayer- to talking with, sharing your heartbreak with, the one and only living God. What an amazing, and humbling, gift- that God himself would care enough about little me to listen and respond.

I had one particularly difficult day; first time I’ve had to call in ‘sick’ to work on behalf of the Lyme disease. It made me wonder how I had muscled through so many shifts before, but it also gave me a peace to know that I’m making the right decision in reducing my work responsibilities right now. It seems like a bit of a confirmation that I’m finally approaching my maximum capacity to just ‘push through’. Now is the time for rest.

Even restful activities are exhausting some days. But alas, I’m growing my list of low key activities and projects that I want to take on in the months ahead. Who knows what a body at rest might be able to achieve?!

Thank you for your continued prayers!
With Love—
Samantha

It's The Small Things...

Some high points from the week...

~Pedicures with my mama-- getting our toes ready for spring(even though it's really too cold to wear sandals still)!

~A surprise package in the mail! A Place of Healing by Joni Eareckson Tada and a personal letter of encouragement from Joni-- an amazing woman that I will write more about in a post to come shortly.

~Mom brought flowers over so there's some spring color in my apartment.

~Gluten-free blueberry scone& Cinnamon vanilla latte (Stumptown of course!). My book and I like to spend time with these two wonderful creations :)

~St.Patty's Day "green" dinner with friends also belongs in this list, but I don't have a picture. Nonetheless, my spirit is sparked spending time with friends.

In these little moments, I know God is smiling on me and I know that even in this time, I am blessed.

Praying you find the joy in the small things this week too!

With Love--

Samantha

Week One~ Update

Week one of antibiotics-- it’s no piece of cake…but then again, I’m not too fond of cake, so maybe it is like that. It certainly isn’t like a good scone and Stumptown latte ;) Not fun, not pleasant. It’s stressful and exhausting. Hard to believe this is only the very beginning. I wonder how people make it through this, but I know they do. It took my mom and I a couple hours to just try to organize all the medications into spreadsheets, a time schedule, and then into boxes and boxes of pill sorters. With food, without food. Once a day, three times a day, away from vitamins, refrigerated. Oy vey! The liquid drops, powders, and nearly 50 pills a day I take are increasingly time consuming. But if it were only the pains of taking medicine, I don’t think I would wonder so much how people get through this. It’s being trapped in a body that’s being massacred by strangely intelligent little parasites. And it’s a heart that’s breaking over the moments, the opportunities to live, that are seemingly slipping away.

In this first week, the exhaustion and pain have increased as I suppose we expected. Burning and stabbing pains in my hips, knees, and shoulders are new pains though. I can’t stop my right arm and hand from shaking. The hot and cold sweats are new too—hot flashes at 24? Really?! Nausea all day. And then there’s the loss of my brain and skin. Every other minute it seems I forget what I was thinking about. No more multitasking, or anything that requires too much brain power for that matter. As for the loss of my skin…it’s not literal obviously, but it feels as if it is. Everything I touch hurts as if I had no skin or perhaps like it’s all just bruised. I struggle to fall asleep at night because it hurts when my knees touch, or when the seam of my tank top rubs against my skin. I can’t lean back in a chair and know that even a hug from a friend will hurt. In the end, the comfort of a hug always outweighs its pain though.

I guess maybe there was a hopeful, although slightly delusional, part of me that thought I could begin all this and keep living my life as I did last week—that it would take awhile for the effects to kick in. Hopefully this just means it’s working faster, right?! But I’ve successfully made it through the first week(!) and look ahead to step into the next. Thank you all for your continued prayers& love& support.

With Love—
Samantha

A Little Birdie Told Me...

"Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" ~Rose Kennedy

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul--and sings the tunes without words-- and never stops at all." ~Emily Dickinson

The End of the Beginning

Well, the waiting is finally coming to an end. I met with my doctor on Tuesday and we made plans to begin more intensive treatment to kick these little buggers out of my system. I know that the hard work is only beginning and the end is not actually in sight yet, but it's a step closer in that direction.

In the next week I will begin 8 new medications, both pharmaceuticals and natural meds, that will begin killing the Lyme spirochetes/bacteria. Some of the meds will also help counteract side effects like additional pain and nausea. And still others are there to help preserve any of the good bacteria in my system. Honestly, I'm terrified of what will happen. When treating Lyme, it's a given that things must get worse before they get better. But seriously, how scary is it to think of it causing amnesia, complete numbness in limbs, spasms, fevers, pain worse than what I already experience, hearing and sight impairment....the list goes on. And these aren't the kind of side effects in fine print or spoken at lightning speed on prescription drug commercials; these are likely scenarios! Prayers to be able to endure these things in order to get to healing would be much appreciated!

It's hit me like a ton of bricks that this may mean the ending of working too. The next week or two will tell what's to come in that realm, but my mind is spinning as I try to think through it. I know I must trust the Lord to provide and worry less about tomorrow when today is enough of a handful in itself. Taking every thought captive--a seemingly crazy time to have to learn that discipline, but perhaps it's one of the many things the Lord has to show me in all of this.
My energy level is lower than ever, so the goal for today is to rest as much as possible in the next few hours, and then muddle through a shift at the restaurant.

Pretty sure I just got a new full time job though--taking medications, going to doctor’s appointments, and resting!

New Video

I've added a new video to the side bar, below the web links, that has some great information in it. For a subject that's quite complicated, I think this short seven minute video does pretty good justice to explaining Lyme disease, how it works, and how treatment works. And, in my opinion, the visuals are helpful. :)