Remember Hope

I write this much overdue post after a day of remembering what healing felt like. Having woken up with a reasonable level of energy, I got ready for my day. I enjoyed a drive with the windows rolled down and the heat turned on (in Oregon, you have to enjoy the sunshine, even if it is a mere 45 degrees!). I went for a walk. Being the nanny for two active little ones, today I actually had the energy for a Nerf gun war, for being the “tickle monster”, for building forts, and for enjoying it all. Pain only consumed every second or third thought. I wrote out lists of all the ambitious projects I wanted to complete and dreamed about careers and travels. And I could dance the day out with Florence and the Machine. Today, I remembered what healing felt like.

Blogging is serious work; you know this if you’ve ever tried your hand at it. So after my last post and my new found health, I stopped blogging. There was simply too much living to do. The list was long of things I had waited for, and the days didn’t waste any seconds filling themselves up: coffee dates, helping friends plan weddings, celebrating at weddings (9 of them!), weekend getaways, bike rides and tennis playing, a new job, a family vacation, seeing dear friends off to faraway lands, time with my church family, and dreaming…oh, did I dream big dreams.

While blogging is hard, and I had much to do, I confess this: I have been afraid to update any of you on my life the last several months. About two and half months ago, Lyme disease (and all of its buddies- coinfections, etc.) has relapsed for an encore performance in my life. It’s a difficult thing to explain, or at least I thought it was. What I experienced seven months ago hasn’t changed, and my beliefs about it haven’t changed either. Remission is a challenging thing to attain with Chronic Lyme Disease (CLD), let alone a spontaneous remission and one in which ALL symptoms disappear. I maintained good health even after stopping all of my meds. The healing God did through the prayers of the elders at my church and by His Spirit was full, complete, and true. But healing is for the glory of God, not the glory of man. So I trust now also that my experience in being healed was used for the glory of God and will continue to be and that my current circumstances will also be used to show me, and those around me, more about our almighty, sovereign, just, and loving Lord. James chapter 5, verses 13 through 16 tells us to call the elders of the church and pray for healing. But then verses 17 and 18 say this,

“17. Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. 18. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.”

Again, it says. Again Elijah prayed. And so I will continue to pray once more for healing in my own story. I am still uncertain the purpose for this recent relapse in health, but as I remembered today, there is no reason for sadness. I was blessed with nearly 5 months of full health and enjoyed it thoroughly. I was able to do things I hadn’t dreamed I would do this summer. But more importantly, I learned so much about the God I know, who never fails to keep His promises. He taught me how to dream with wild abandon and find hope in the one who IS hope. I may have stopped blogging, but I didn’t stop writing and there is a heap of learning I’ve done and would love to share with you all.

Simply remember today that hope is not found in circumstances and dreams; it is found in Christ.

Thank you for your ongoing support and friendship, love and prayers.

~Samantha

“…but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” –Romans 5:3-5